'BALLISTIC '96' by jack johnson

Here it is. The video that made every rainy afternoon during the summer holidays bearable. The video that your mum nearly taped over with Kilroy. The video that, despite its slightly sterile production, manages, year after year, to make the 1995/96 Premier League season look that tiny bit more special. Quite frankly I believe it to be one of the best videos ever made - apart from maybe Kathy Burke’s Dance Workout. That was pretty good.

On the face of it, 95/96 doesn’t seem that long ago. I for one can remember seeing both West Ham and Chelsea play at Blundell Park that season as a young Grimsby Town fan. But from watching Ballistic ’96, albeit through that fuzzy haze that only appears on old VHS tapes, you realise how long ago it really is. I mean David Beckham looks about 13, Neil Ruddock is only ‘chunky’ and Nicky Butt has a lovely head of hair. This video represents a time in English football to behold - not just for Nicky Butt and his hairdresser - you only have to catch a glimpse of Burnden Park or The Dell and you begin to remember how charming football grounds used to be in the top flight. These were the days before soulless 30,000 all-seater aerodromes were built to cater for millionaire investors and worn-out rock bands. Obviously the grounds were shit but at least they had character. And massive floodlights.

Nostalgia aside, the video itself hasn’t dated at all well. Ballistic ’96 does exactly what you’d expect from a mid 90s goal compilation. If you’re the type of person that enjoys watching Dion Dublin’s magnificent diving header against QPR from 23 different angles and don’t get a headache, well, you’re in for a treat. As well as Dion’s header it features all the season’s top scorers: Shearer, Fowler, Ferdinand, Sheringham, Yorke and their strike partners, last gasp winners, flukiest goals – which could have been renamed ‘Bolton mistakes’ – the best headers and the hardest strikes. The latter giving Andy Gray a perfect opportunity to show off Sky’s newfangled marker pen technology by scribbling crude florescent lines all over Tony Yeboah’s corker at Sellhurst Park; the end result being something that resembles a graph from a secondary school maths textbook. Cheers Andy.

It’s not all like that though. Occasionally you get moments of magic, too. A great example being Man United’s fantastic team goal away at Chelsea. After about an hour of 35-yard pile drivers, chaotic goalmouth scrambles and mazy dribbles, this clip really stands out as one of the more beautiful moments of the video. United’s relaxed and patient build up play has shades of a Brazilian team from the 70s – minus David May, obviously.

Okay, I might have been a bit harsh then, but its because of old football videos like Ballistic ’96 that we can step back in time and see people like David May, players that have sadly become infamous as the years tick by, in their pomp. It wouldn’t surprise me if a lot of the players themselves have got a copy. You know just knocking around their house, waiting for a rainy day. Dion’s probably got one in his loft or something. Along with Kathy Burke’s Dance Workout.